So where do I fit in to this??

Well, I have worked my way through all the different types of mom, and somehow feel that I have found a balance that works for me.




First a bit of history:



I was thrown into single parenthood at age 28. I had the dreams that everyone has of a perfect family, and for many different reasons, that did not happen. I did realize after sometime, that my son had saved me from the worst possible enemy anyone could have, myself. You see, as everyone else in the world, I was looking for someone to love, and did not find it until my son was born. I came to realize shortly after his birth, that I could never love anyone, the way I love him, so it was ok to be alone and raise him to be the best man he can be.



That is the beauty of the mind, you can have all these great thoughts and dreams, and then you get slammed in the face with reality, where is the plan to accomplish all these thoughts. Shortly, after my ex and I split up, I had the typical new single parent anxiety. I thought about the following question all day:



How am I going to do this alone? Will anyone be able to help me? How can I afford to do this?



Now, I am a very liberal woman, but I still could not help wondering what others would think of me. I still wonder sometimes. That is society's fault. People assume many different things about single parents, even today. You see any one person can become a single parent in a flash, and even if you are married, you can easily one day be finding yourself raising your children alone. The word single does not identify your marital status, it identifies the fact that you are on your own. Somehow, people forgot that "single" has other meanings beyond "never married".



So all these questions and concerns go rolling through my head, and now, I am expected to have all the answers and a plan in place. At that point, I was having a breakdown, caused by the breakdown of my relationship. You see, when there are no kids involved, the relationship is what you have to get over. Nothing that a club, drink, and friends can't fix. But when a child is involved, a whole new world of concerns and catastrophes come up. And you never are able to heal, because you have to care for a child, and try not to let them see your pain. Now for some of us, that was therapy enough, for me it was fear. I felt that when I left, I was failing my child, and that I would never have the opportunity to give him the family he wanted. The problem was, the lines between doing for yourself, and doing for your child can easily be either blurred or totally neon. For me, they became blurred.